The first of many................

In an effort to do a little self-therapy, I have decided to start talking and anyone who wants can listen. I am by no means anyone outstanding, but I do have a problem, a big problem, a nightmare come true if you will. I have never really said this about myself out loud (because I am admittedly in denial most of the time), but I am disabled. I do not have full use of my dominate arm. I am right handed and as a result of a snowboarding injury, I can not lift very much of anything with that arm. It is difficult and painful to perform daily, simple tasks such as lifting a fork to my mouth, drinking a glass of water, drying my hair, writing, etc, etc, etc. I still do these things however; mostly because I hate to admit to myself that there is a problem and also because I still have to do these things anyway! Thankfully, unless you really know me, you'd never know anything was wrong. I do have a scar, about the length of a dollar bill, on the outside of my right arm and it can't be totally straightened, but not many people notice. I try not to complain, because it honestly doesn't help, so why bother, but people who are close to me can tell when I am hurting despite efforts to hide it.
How it all began: when I was 16, I broke my elbow. No big deal, right? That's what I thought. However, 10 years and 3 surgeries later it still hurts.....a lot ..........and seemingly can't be fixed. I have seen more doctors than my toilet seat has seen ass and I have heard/tried it all it seems.
Since this accident I have wondered how it would effect my life as a mother (which is always something I have very much looked forward to becoming). Now my greatest fears have become a reality: I am having a very hard time with holding/lifting my son. Since my son was born on December 30, 2008 picking up my bundle of joy has become horrifically more painful (both physically and emotionally) as he grows. Ideally, an elbow replacement would make it better, but replacements are not meant to be for someone young and active (nevermind a new mother who lifts her baby 100+ times a day). Not to mention if I were to get a replacement, I would be VERY restricted for the rest of my life concerning what I would be able to lift. This means I would not be able to pick up my son, so therefore I have decided this is not an option at this point in my life. That being said, I need to somehow deal with the pain and do my best for my baby, disablility or not. But enough of the background, on to the meat of all of this I suppose.
It is hard enough being a new mom; being in pain all the time doesn't help and it is so terribly hard to be happy and enjoy my sweet little man when I am always hurting. Now I have decided to proclaim myself as the ABLE Dis-Abled Mom (ADAM for short) and talk about it in the effort to help myself and hopefully other disabled mothers cope. I hope to get feedback from others too. I certainly know things could always be worse, but this is my problem and it is unique in itself and disruptive enough to have a need for an outlet. I am not looking for sympathy, just listen if you care to and help me in my quest to find some kind of peace with what life has handed me. I may have a disability, but I strive to be ABLE to do anything any other mother can do.