Overthrowing the Dictatorship

Since my injury, I have often said about many things, "I can't do that because of my arm". Now I am by no means ever expectant to go walking around doing handstands or do single right arm push ups, but I do feel like I have missed out on some things I normally would have tried. For example, my husband bought a great exercise program in which each day there are different kinds of workouts. I had decided to try out the program because I do enjoy physical activity and did want to get rid of some weight. There were a few things here and there I was unable to do, but I pushed through and did other things to fill the time of the things I was unable to do. This wasn't so bad.....until I came to day 3 or 4 when the workout was yoga. I watched the first 40 minutes of this video unable to do ANYTHING that was being instructed. After those 40 minutes, I was completely crushed and disappointed in myself. I am healthy. There is "nothing wrong" but this stupid elbow thing, so what's the problem? (I now know the answer is I was simply in denial.) So, I ended up sitting on the floor of our shower bawling my eyes out because I am so messed up I can't even do simple beginner's yoga.....everyone is doing yoga......why not me?
When I learned I was going to be a mother, I knew my little dictator elbow was going to become an even more powerful leader of my life. I began searching for strollers light enough for me to use when my baby was an infant and I knew those clunky travel systems would be too cumbersome for me to manage alone. I had a tall order however, since I wanted something light that I could use with the car seat (so I didn't have to take the baby in and out of something if he/she was sleeping). After much internet and baby store shopping, I found the Baby Trend Snap n Go stroller.......exactly what I needed. (Thank you Corey and Katie for the shower gift!) First mission accomplished!
Second, I knew I'd need some kind of carrier I can attach to my body. I got a Snuggli, which works well and wasn't crazy expensive (it was also a shower gift from my registry....Thanks Nicole, Jason and Landon). I was on a roll!! When this baby came I would be ready for him/her!
Yeah right! Among the CRAZY postpartum hormones, I also began to hurt, ache, pinch, stab, shoot, etc. in my elbow worse than ever. And he was only 4lbs 15oz! It wasn't and still really isn't totally a weight problem, it is mostly the movement. My little dictator is lazy and when I make it move, it gets angry and hurts me. As my little man is getting bigger, the movement is obviously becoming more and more difficult. After he hit the 10lb mark, I then knew I was going to need to start looking for some other kinds of help......medical help for my elbow. But what?
And so the search began yet another time..................time to fix my dictator's little red wagon. But is it medically possible?? How in the world am I going to go through another surgery with a little person that needs me? I am nursing, so it will have to wait until he is at least a year old (or done with nursing). How will I emotionally handle not being able to pick up my little guy? Is it even worth it? How do I choose what is the right thing to do for myself and my child? IS there something that will work for our family?